Last year when we were still living in Maryland, I accidentally announced in Relief Society that I don't like people. Any people. I didn't mean it quite the way it sounds, but I also sort of did.
It's not entirely true. I do like many people. It's just the concept of people in general that I don't like. I like quiet. I like to be alone. I like cleanliness and order. I like things my way. I'm easily annoyed by little things. Like breathing. People are not usually conducive to quiet, orderly, non-annoying, my way or the highway solitude.
That's not to say that I don't enjoy getting together with friends, but it does stress me out a little. I get over it, I move on with life, I have fun with them.
Anyway, the other day I let it slip to a friend that I also don't like children. Any children. Not even my own. For all the same reasons I don't like adult people, times ten.
Now before the hate mail starts, let me say that I love my children. I love other people's children. I just don't like them. Make sense?
I think it boils down to the fact that I'm basically a very selfish person. You really can't be selfish with kids. Sometimes you have no choice but to put their needs ahead of your own. And I don't like it. Sometimes I don't really care that you want a snack or a drink or a hug. Mommy's in the middle of a good book--go away! But I get the snack or the drink or the hug usually because that's what I signed up for.
And I apologize to those of you out there reading this who may be struggling with infertility and are thinking, "You can be sure that if I were able to have the child I so desperately want I would be endlessly grateful for the opportunity to get them a snack." I know you would be. Believe me, I've been there. For years and years. But sometimes you get what you ask for and reality sets in and you start to wonder what to hell you were thinking.
Also, I've made no secret of the fact that I hate dogs. Hate. Really, really hate. I've realized that it's for all the same reasons I don't like people or kids with the addition of dog-smell and poop thrown in. This is why I'm a cat person. They're quiet, they're clean, they make very few demands.
So, to sum up:
1. I don't like you.
2. I don't like your kids.
3. I really don't like your dog.
And this is why I'll die a lonely old cat-lady.
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11 comments:
see, brandi, that's what makes you so amazing! even though you don't like people you still hang out with them, help them, and serve them, without being asked most of the time! you always have a handful of prime quality home made soap, lotion, or delicious food to give away. constant little acts of kindness. or you offer to clean my house or make pillow covers for me! it's so amazing that even though it's hard for you, you still do these things. in a way, you are like dr. pye stitching people in the ER without thumbs and doing and excellent job! Those are the kind of people I admire...
...as for dogs I have to agree with you. smelly, drooly, poopy, constantly demanding attention. and they are not even good for anything these days. in the old days at least they barked and bit people to guard the house. now those things are against the law, making them into worthless smelly creatures...
I'm sort of the same way. Though I think it's more that I'm socially retarded, so being around people make me uncomfortable. Kids are ok. For short increments. And dogs are fine. They're even less socially demanding than kids.
I feel the same way about my kids and other people's kids. I like grownups, though. I'm not sure about dogs, although I own a slobbery boxer. He's much more tolerable now that we are in the new house.
so brandi, since you don't like people, ,kids, and dogs, am i at liberty now not to like most men?
Nope. Sorry. My rules only apply to me.
Man, am I glad we don't have our dog anymore!!
You are totally Cheyenne. He hates people, kids, and animals. And his favorite thing to do is to sit at home and play video games/read/blog/surf the internet with the blinds closed and all the lights off.
BTW that RS is one that memories are made of. Really. Loved that moment. Because everyone laughed...and then I knew you were kinda serious.
Oh boy Brandi how on earth are we friends? I love to be LOUD, I love my KIDS your kids all KIDS, I especially love DOGS. HUMMM what on earth makes us click together? I don't know but you are awesome and I am glad you are able to put a side your corks and be a wonderful friend and mother.
Tina--
I was actually thinking about you when I wrote this post, about how you are the complete opposite of me, especially when it comes to kids.
For those of you who don't know Tina, she loves kids more than anyone I know and kids (ALL kids) love her back.
And I have to say, there are very few dogs that I've not hated (I can't really say that I liked them, but I didn't want to inflict harm on them) and Ceasar was one of them. He was a sweet and well behaved dog. Now that beagle of yours....that's another story. :)
I get it. But, I only hate people, kids and dogs some of the time...like when I want to be alone. Most of the time I LOVE people. Bring 'em on. You know I love to party. and, well, my kids are growing on me. I think I like kids, just not babies. ugh...babies. I like to hold them and play with them, but to smell them and hear them cry, push a stroller, strap a carseat, hold one while my arms hurt, change a diaper. Yeah...forget it. I'm so glad my youngest is 3. Life is getting so much easier.
Dogs suck. I'm totally a cat person.
You can always do a cat/dog debate. I think I like cats because I'm selfish, too. Leave me alone I'm sleeping. Ok, I'm ready, you can love me now. :) No, really I'm tired, leave me alone I need a nice long bath.
Because I'm anal, I had to put this comment on the CORRECT blog post (which I had to click on "Older Posts" and that damn Christmas music started again. Wah!)
Did you see the Dooce.com post today about her urine-soaked dog? Totally made me think of you (and I hope that's the first time someone's told you that!) HA!
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